Staying Alive - Recognize Anyone?

Moral for the day

Perhaps it is better not to want anything; that way you will never taste the bitterness of disappointment.

Oh, and before I forget, I'm temporarily revoking my belief that cardinals grant wishes. This may sound superstitious of me, but no one really cares one way or the other. I made a wish last week, and I knew it was a long shot, but when I saw that cardinal, before I could even finish thinking that, 'hey, I can make a wish,' I'd already made my wish. It was only for something that was incredibly important to me, but I think I knew I wouldn't get it. And I know I sound like a petulant child, whining because I didn't get what I wanted. Or, you can hold the 'like;' I am a petulant child. I knew it wouldn't happen, but I wished for it anyway. I managed to get my hopes up, stupidly, and now I get to wallow for a bit in familiar disappointment. But it was a selfish wish anyway. I could have wished for something more meaningful to everyone. I could have wished for a a peaceful weekend at home. Then perhaps I wouldn't have retreated to my room after half an hour of being home and already in tears because of all the shouting and dirty looks and hurtful words. In a way, I don't want to go home for the summer because I won't stand for any of that anymore. I will not stand for it. Will I accomplish anything? I think so. I've been told that I can't do any good there, but then I remember that I'm twenty and I still live in a land of idealism. Sure, I never have a very large picture for my idealism; I'd rather focus on getting my family to coexist in harmony than fight poverty in Bangladesh. But because I haven't lost that idealism, not all of it at least, I still think I can make a difference. And here I am getting all depressing again. I wrote a post earlier, but I deleted it because it was too dismal; it made me sound overly-cynical and pissed, exactly how I felt when I wrote it, but I didn't want to pass that on to any of you. What's that you say? Oh yes, sorry, too late.

Down once more...

Well, last night I finished the charcoal sketches I was making for my end-of-semester project for my tutoring class, and today I presented. It's pretty normal for me to get stage fright - I think I can recall only one presentation -in my entire life - where I didn't get nervous and talk to fast and off pitch, etcetera. Today was no exception, except it was compounded by two things. First, my drink tipped over and spilled just as I was getting up to present. So, the class waited a few minutes while I mopped up the spill. That was a tad embarrassing. Second, I have some sort of cold, so when I talk, id souds li' dis ad no one kin uderstad me. Therefore, I was slightly embarrassed and unable to talk properly, both of which added to my stage fright, and the result was I rushed through the presentation and ended up out of breath. But the pictures were a hit. My teacher said, "You're a biological sciences major, right? So this is just a hobby you have?" "Pretty much." And then she kept the sketches so she could display them in her office. During each presentation, we each of us filled out 'peer reviews', and the ones I got back were really nice and sometimes funny. "Louder. Hey, relax, we're all friends here. Great job. Wait...you just have a cold." "You could tell you were nervous, but you needn't have been, your work was terrific." "Great drawings! Not an artist, though? Get well and feel better!" "Really good presentation, fought through the cold!" "Really nice drawing, talented. To make the presentation better...breathe." They're really sweet!

And all that jazz...

I found out that I can sleep under a variety of different circumstances, including my roommate blow drying her hair ten feet away from me. This morning, my alarm went off a little early, so I reset it and went back to sleep, but before I did, I told Callie she could go ahead and dry her hair in the room instead of the bathroom; it wouldn't bother me. So she did, and I lay back down, and the next thing I remember is my alarm going off again. So, I can sleep with noise (non-annoying noises, that is). This further supports my hypothesis that I was made for sleep.

In other news, I have a project due in my tutoring class this Wednesday. The topic is my growth as a tutor, and I could either write a paper or do some creative project. Guess which one I chose! So, it has to be creative, and by sheer luck alone, I had my charcoal pencils with me, so I decided to sketch a few creative illustrations of several tutoring situations that demonstrate my growth this year. Where does the creativity come in, you may ask? The sketches are a bit abstract - more symbolic than anything else. Instead of a library and an organic chemistry notebook, I drew a labyrinth, a huge, imposing, difficult, and endless labyrinth with these huge doors with the stark words "Organic Chemistry" engraved upon them. On the stones of the labyrinth, I drew reaction arrows with chemical reagents, like HCl and 80 degrees Celsius, written above the arrows. There are some other creative things, but those are the two main ones. I just have to finish them...

I'm watching (listening) to The Hunchback of Notre Dame currently, one of my favorite Disney films. There are so many good ones! Right now, my all-time favorite is Beauty and the Beast, but I love many more. Mulan, Tarzan, Pocahontas, Lady and the Tramp, Hercules, The Lion King, The Little Mermaid, and Aladdin. I'm forgetting half a dozen, but I can't remember any more.

A Wonderful Weekend!

This weekend was one of the best weekends I have ever had here, in Raleigh. (I can't say it was the best because it's tied with the weekend that Darren and Calvin visited, and you can't pick favorites when it comes to family). It was just me and Kim this weekend and I had a blast! Kim got here around ten pm on Friday, and her arrival coincided with my pizza delivery, so we both got to unwind with some pepperoni and some cherry coke. We talked (gossiped) until after four am, and surprisingly, we got up around eleven am, for some pilfered strawberries (the dining hall will never miss them) and chocolate, and then another slice of pizza. We took a tour of the campus here, and got to see some things that even I had never seen. After that, we took a breather back in my room, and then we headed off to the Crabtree Valley mall and had a tasty lunch at the Cheesecake factory. Kim ordered the herb crusted fillet of salmon and I ordered the spicy chicken chipotle pasta, and then for dessert, Kim got the tiramisu cheesecake and I got the truffle tower (cheese-free) cake. Then we did a couple circuits of the mall, bought a few really cool things, and then stopped by Starbucks on our way out. When we made it back to the room, we popped in a movie and relaxed. After a while, it was time for some leftovers for dinner, and then another movie (Love Actually, of course). After finishing the deleted scenes, we both fell asleep, only to awake around eleven again. After some pizza (again) and some cherry coke (again), we watched I Love Lucy, and then sadly, Kim had to go. All in all, it was a great weekend, one of the top two I've had here at state, and now it's time for me to work on a project due on Wednesday.

NCSU Campus Forum

The Technician (NC State's school newspaper) recently published a letter in the campus forum that I took offense to (Say Your Prayers in Private), so I wrote a response and it got published in the paper! Check it out here: Mongero Out of Line.

Callie's boyfriend Tim snores; rather annoyingly so too. Thankfully, I'm lucky on that and other counts. It's not the first time I've realized that. ;-)

Candelight Vigil for Virginia Tech at NCSU

I recently attended a Vigil here at NC State in honor of Virginia Tech. I listened to the university president talk about coming together in the midst of the tragedy, about how we should reach out and touch someone at Virginia Tech, and about how we didn't need to be directly touched by this terrible event to feel the pain it has brought. I listened to people tell us about the truly wonderful and brave friends they had at Virginia Tech who died yesterday. A tragedy of this proportion doesn't just touch one person, or one community; it touches the entire nation. Thousands of people met across the nation yesterday and today and tonight just like NCSU did, to pray for those that had died, to pray for those that were injured, to pray for grieving family and friends, and to pray that nothing like this ever happens again. After everyone had finished talking, the Chancellor lit the first candle. And then the people nearest him lit their candles from the flame of the Chancellor's, and then turned around to light the candles of the people behind them. Those people turned around and lit the candles of the people behind them. One of those people turned around and lit Callie's candle, and Tim's candle, and my candle. I turned around and lit another woman's candle, and then another man's candle, and so the flame spread. It was truly incredible. Within minutes, the one tiny flame that Chancellor Oblinger started with had spread to become hundreds of tiny flames, burning brightly in unity to light up the entire field. The flames symbolized hope, how even in dark times like these the little bits of hope each one of us carries inside can unite to form one brilliant torch to light the darkness of despair. What my president said about a person not having to be directly touched by this tragedy to feel the pain it has wrought is true. I know no one at Virginia Tech, but that has not stopped me from grieving along with that community; it has not stopped my heart from aching when see the panic etched on the faces of parents looking for their children; it has not stopped me from crying when I see photos of the people who were killed, laughing and smiling as though they would live forever. Nor should it.

Virginia Tech

I'm sure you've heard the terrible news about the shootings at VA tech; I'm sure you feel the story has been beaten to death. It is a terrible tragedy what has happened; I can't even imagine the pain and fear the parents and family members and friends are feeling, worrying about their loved ones or worse, knowing that their loved one is part of the over-3o killed or near-30 injured. But I have a different purpose for this post. I am appalled at the coverage on the story. Specifically, I am disgusted by some of the things that are being reported or shown. What good can possibly come of showing us videos where you can actually hear the gun shots as they occurred? What good can arise from showing us images of bloody and near-death victims being carried to ambulances? What possible benefit can we derive from hearing how the shooter lined up his victims and killed them, execution style? The terrible nature, the utter blackness, the base lack of humanity that precipitated these terrible shootings does not need further illustration by the media. People who are waiting to know if their loved ones are safe or even alive do not need to be further terrified and horrified by the media. People who are unfortunate enough to know that their loved one was injured or killed do not need the grief that would come of knowing how coldly, with what depravity and inhumanity their loved ones were hurt or killed. This is a terrible thing that has happened; I think the news is making it worse.

Furthermore, what good can come of showing us how the U.S. House of Representatives held a moment of silence in recognition of this tragedy? Do people who are waiting to find out if their friends have been killed really care if Representative so-and-so from Delaware observed a moment of silence? In the same venue, are the Reporters actually shocked, as they seemed to be when they interviewed one girl, that the students at Virginia Tech are worried sick about their friends that are in the hospital? This one reporter kept saying that the people there were concerned about their friends and professors like it was a surprise; as if it was actually something to be marveled at that people would be concerned about other people.

The one good thing I have to say about the media is that they are reporting the numerous ways students have come together to account for each other, to verify that students are OK. That's the type of news we need to hear in the midst of such a dark tragedy; news of how people are picking up the pieces and working together.

Check This Out!

Laundry Time

It's amazing the weird things we (I) will do in the wee hours of the morning. I finished three quarters of my paper just before midnight. I then decided to eat dinner (I was a little hungry). Then I decided to finish the rough draft of my paper, which lasted until two am. Then I checked the TV listings to find something to watch for half an hour. I saw that The General's Daughter was coming on at 2:30 am. I've wanted to see that since it first came out, so I decided to stay awake to watch it. So, I made my bed (odd time to do so, I know), washed some dishes, took a shower, and then I decided to do some laundry. I had a buck seventy-five. That's one washing load and three dryer cycles. The washer decided it wanted to run slow, so a 38 minute cycle lasted over an hour. Then one dryer ate my money and I couldn't get it back, so I crammed two large loads of clothes into two dryers for cycles of 24 minutes. When I took them out a minute ago, they were considerably still damp. I'm broke. So, the room is now my clothesline. I have clothes hanging up every where, and my small clothes hanging from my laundry hamper. It really is quite a site. Now for the conclusion of my movie, and then blessed sleep.

Good News!

Today in my Sociology of Medicine class, we were given back our tests from several weeks ago (the test was three take-home essays for a combined total of seven pages, which is not as easy as it sounds to write). When I turned in my test, I knew it wasn't my best work - I mean, let's face it, I waited until I had two nights left to start and finish the thing, and I was unsure of how to answer several of the questions even though I had all my notes and readings available. So, I was thinking, ok, maybe a 90 out of 100, if I'm lucky, but I sure hope it's not below an 85. Before my professor handed the test back, he said that we really stepped up to the plate on this one and he was proud of us and that no one failed. That said, there was still plenty of room for improvement. I waited on pins and needles the entire time, waiting for my paper. When finally he handed it back to me, I was afraid to turn it over to see the score. But I eventually did, and was very pleasantly surprised...101/100! I aced it! And then after all were handed back, my professor went through each essay with us, highlighting some of the key points we should have made. Then he said that someone was very unique in that they connected such and such with this theory of differential exposure and differential vulnerability to argue that differential exposure and vulnerability were significant causal mechanisms in such and such relationship, a connection and argument that he thought was very, very clever. That was my paper; my idea!

And more good news: Kim and Darren are now officially homeowners!!!! Go Karen and Dim!

It's on again. And again. And again.

The people upstairs are having lots and lots of sex. Lucky bastards.

Funnies

Happy Easter!

Day Three: Back at School

Happy Easter! I'm back at school. My brother TJ and his friend Theresa took me back to school - they are a great pair! I've never seen three hours fly faster than they did today. And they took me out to lunch in celebration of Easter! It was very nice after two days (I know, it was only two days) of being completely by myself. It's nice for a while, but I don't like being alone at night - it's too depressing. No one to say "Good night" to, to wish sweet dreams to, etcetera. But Leo was a big help. After an hour or so of being alone on Friday, I started talking to him. Leo was practically my focus for the weekend. The medicine he was on was so strong an antibiotic that it killed his infection and all the microfauna and microflora in his gut, making it very hard for him to digest things. As a result, he's had very unsolid BMs, a raging thirst and a raging appetite. The Vet said to give him a piece of cheddar cheese every day to reestablish the cultures in his digestive tract. So, I did, and had some marginal success. We went from pancakes to soft serve. I'd call that success. Have I grossed you out yet? Any way, now I'm back at school and I've got to unpack and start studying for my genetics test on Wednesday. I can't believe I haven't started studying yet (I usually start on Friday), but I've reached the point in the semester where I say, "So what, screw it." I only have to make a C on my two remaining tests to make an A in the class, so I'm not that worried. So now I must unpack and stock the fridge with all my goodies ( I brought french bread, red beans in rice, peach cobbler, grape fruits, and all the Easter candy my parents gave to me). Happy Easter!

Day Two

Or as I shall refer to it: cooking day. When I went to bed last night, I left my room door open so Leo could wake me up if he was out of water or food or couldn't get to his litter box. Of course, he took full advantage of the opportunity and woke me up at six this morning, clamoring to be fed. I obliged him, and then stumbled back into bed, only to be awoken five minutes later by him jumping onto my bed (it shook the whole bed!) to tell me in no uncertain terms that he was still hungry. I just grabbed him close and held him for a bit (he hates being held). He left real quick after that and didn't come back, and I slept on. When I got up, I started cooking. I made blueberry pancakes, which I have never made before so I was quite proud with the result. Then I watched TV for a bit. I finally saw the movie Sophie's Choice (an excellent if not heartwrenchingly sad film). Then I made some tomato soup, but I put a little too much cayenne pepper into it - it was a tad bit hot for me. Then I started making some French bread, and then went outside to take care of the animals. My mom called just as I was lugging some water into the chicken pen. It made me feel kind of good that I could talk on the phone and pour water from a rusty bucket into a water tub for the chickens at the same time. Then I called my brother TJ and invited him over for dinner, but he'd already eaten, so it was again just Leo and me for dinner. I baked the French bread, cut up some sausage, drained some beans, and made red beans and rice. Then I opened a can of peaches and made a peach crisp/cobbler type thing (I didn't use a recipe, just some brown sugar and oats). Now Leo wants to go outside, but I won't let him because it's too late and because it's cold! Now I'm going to go find something to watch for a bit before I fall asleep...maybe The Passion of the Christ again (an excellent move in my opinion, almost enough to convert me), or maybe An Inconvenient Truth (a very interesting documentary), or maybe something all together different.

Day One

They left this morning around ten, only an hour or so later than planned. After they left, I came here to the computer and fixed what they told me to fix, reinstalled what they told me to reinstall, and then I made a few adjustments of my own. Then I made an omelet and some toast and watched a few minutes of King Kong. It was only a few minutes before I turned the king off and went outside. I stayed outside until 4pm, picking up limbs and then cutting the grass. The yard looks great, if I do say so myself, and I'm only partly sunburnt. Now I'm trying to motivate myself to clean house or study, but I think I'll just put on a movie and draw something, maybe get my paints out again. And then I'll make something for dinner, and then sit with Leo until I'm ready to fall asleep. I just finished watching French Kiss, and although I don't really care for Meg Ryan, the last part of the movie plays my song. I love Louis Armstrong!

My Favorite Books in the Whole World

"Oh, come and see! It's back! All of it!" --Ever After: A Cinderella Story

My creativity! It's creeping back, slowly but surely. It's been months, maybe even a year, since I drew anything, or wrote anything. Well, yesterday, I made a few sketches and today I've written several pages of one of my stories. And I feel great! What I drew was poor, what I wrote was drabble, but they're both starts. I owe this latest surge in creative potential to the book "Child of the Prophecy," the third in the Sevenwaters trilogy by Juliet Marillier. It's probably the tenth time I've read it, if not the eleventh or more, but it never gets old. The trilogy is set in Ireland, though the exact time is never even so much as hinted at. The tales follow one family, from Sorcha in Daughter of the Forest, to her daughter Liadan in Son of the Shadows, to her niece Fainne in Child of the Prophecy. Magic, folklore, legend, danger, sword fights, quests, betrayal, loss, pain, adventure, bravery, good, evil, druids, and above all, Love, mark these stories. The characters are so intricate, so real, so close you feel as if you know them. My favorite is the third book, Child of the Prophecy, for reasons that might become obvious if you read it. Forgive me for sounding sexist, but these books were written for women, for indeed they are told from the perspective of three exceedingly strong women, and their quests that take them from the land of Erin to Northumbria and back, through this world, and the world of the fair folk, through tales steeped deep in Celtic lore and custom. If ever a book could move me, if ever a tale could make me weep and smile at the same time every time, this is it. Of course, I can't expect everyone to share my opinion, but if you can, read the books and tell me what you think.

It ruins the entire movie, but it's my favorite part...

The New World - then end of the movie: Vorspiel

MERDE!

I've just realized that this next weekend may be the last time I can go home for the rest of the semester - until my last exam the second week of May. And I'm not going to get to have any fun whatsoever this weekend or see anyone I want to see. Mierda! Quiero ver mi novio y mi familia y mi gato! Maldita mierda!

PS-Novio has several different translations, so if you use google translator, don't get all excited at its translation.

How to respond...?

Callie, after my jubilant cry of "yes!"after a particularly large burst of thunder:

"Do you have an orgasm everytime you hear thunder?"

Um, no, but I'll look into it...?

Is it really all in my head???

This is what I overheard just recently:

"Do you like that, Callie?"
"Sometimes my wrist gets tired, I have to switch..."
"No, Callie, don't plug that..."
Muffled giggling
"Timothy!"
"You did a really great job..."
Wordless blathering, maybe some moaning, with a laugh or two
"Eww, it got on my pillow" *giggle*
"You're squishing my boobie"


Now, is it only me that interprets some sort of sexual innuendo here?

Does my shoulder hurt? Why? Oh...

From patting myself on the back so much? Not really. I have aced my last three chemistry tests - 100% on all of them, and I barely had to apply any brain power at all. I've made the highest score on each of my three genetics tests so far, but that took a lot of studying and brain power. Anyway, that's the good news. Bad news is I have a "mini"-exam tomorrow in Sociology, and I've got to summarize about a hundred pages of material before I'll be ready for the exam. Boo hiss. Funny thing is though, my professor asks really easy questions, from maybe three readings, but of course he can't tell you which three readings, so I'm stuck reading and summarizing all eleven.

Sure, have a share of my humiliation...

Self Defense class. Don't I look ridiculous?