Some Ranting

The past few days haven't been as bad as I expected. In fact, Josh and Brittany are some first-rate kids. Josh is so polite; he waits until all of the girls have fixed their plates until he gets in line; he does whatever you ask him to if you ask him nicely. Brittany is a very lively girl, very polite, and will do whatever you ask her. What is the problem, you might ask? Well, their parents, namely their mother, my sister, never miss an opportunity to tell you how bad they both are doing. Grades, conduct, behavior - all of it. Normally, parents try to build up their children's self-esteem, or at least offer some positive reinforcement. What could be more negative than telling all you family gathered around at your Uncle's wedding that both of you kids broke that and got caught doing this and couldn't seem to make the cut there? Never anything good to tell - it always the bad stuff. Neither Josh nor Brittany are bad kids. Neither are misbehaved or wild. I think that their biggest problem is the lack of interest their parents show in their lives. I know that neither my sister nor her husband make anywhere near the amount of income that my parents do, and yet look at the way they live - big screen TV, ipods for everyone, X-box 360, surround sound, etc. etc. etc. It's like they ply the kids with goodies to get them out of their hair. I really feel sorry for both Josh and Brittany. They are being bounced from one relative to the other this summer because their parent's don't want them home. Yesterday, their father said that they could come home next weekend. Today, my sister tells us that Josh and Brittany will be going to visit their uncle again at Ft. Bragg, NC, for at least another week after they leave us. Who knows what it will be tomorrow? We are thinking (and this is on the extreme down low) that they both can stay with us for another week instead of being shifted around again. I know that this is probably very wrong for me to be writing all of this here and that if my sister or anyone else that I have spoken of were to read this, I would have a lot of apologizing to do, and I'd feel very crummy. That aside, I think that what I have said is only slightly biased, if at all.
In other news, my parents are fighting once more, Yippee. My Mom wasn't home for more than twenty minutes before she stormed out of the room and my Dad started yelling. I don't understand what is going on, and neither does my Dad. Last year, when we all went to a counsler to talk about my brother's behavior (before he went to basic training and his illness was discovered) the counsler said that I was my father's champion. I suppose it is true to an extent - I do side with my Dad on most of the fights that he has with my mom. Can I help it? Perhaps, perhaps not. I can't help what I think and I think most of the time that my Dad is the one in the right and in the realm of rationality. And I can't help but see how this thing with my brother, and my brother himself, make everything that much worse. Most of their arguments start with him. It's easy to point fingers and say so-and-so is to blame, but I think what I say is partly true. Now I am sitting here trying not to think of all the rotten and sharp things that I am aching to say to my mother and to my brother as the phrases spring up like daisies in my mind. And now I am going to feel really rotten if either parent reads this, but perhaps it will be just rewards after several days of both of them fighting and everyone else walking on eggshells. I swear, we spend most of our time walking around egg shells around here, and it's starting to smell like rotten eggs. I hate conflict. My Psychology teacher taught us that when two people are in a relationship, that relationship cannot progress and develop without conflict. I've decided that if that is the case, I will not have any relationships. I HATE conflict. I hate fights. I hate the way it makes me think one of my parents is going to walk out the door and not come back. I hate seeing my parents yelling at each other and fighting dirty. I hate going to bed hearing them screaming at each other and waking up to the same. I hate getting used to say that one parent is turning us kids against the other just because we have minds of our own. I hate seeing either one of my parents cry. I hate siding with one parent and feeling completely furious at the other. I hate seeing all of this in my future. I hate the cynicism that is circling my like a vulture. I hate having to use this blog as an outlet and making all of y'all read it instead of screaming what I feel to everyone who needs to know. So I'll stop for now. Have a lovely day.