No me importa

I have been in the weirdest mood since yesterday. Basically, I don't really care. I had an exam Wednesday morning, I didn't really care. I have an exam tomorrow. I don't really care. I think I used up all of my care-points earlier this week and now...you guessed it: I don't really care. I usually get very nervous before exams, and I worry and then study and then worry. Not so right now. Tuesday night, after an entire day of studying, I said 'screw it' in more literal terms than that, and I really meant it. I could have failed the test, and it wouldn't bother me. I feel like I've taken some sort of relaxant - like valium - and everything could be going wrong, and I wouldn't care. Like that joke: my friend got her birth control and her valium mixed up; she has ten kids, but she doesn't care. It's sort of like a numbness - and a realization that the worst that can happen doesn't really frighten me. I feel very free right now - like nothing can really bother me. It's like Ron White on the first Blue Collar Comedy Tour, when he was flying in that little plane with engine trouble. He said something like, "Take it down! I don't care! Make sure you hit something hard, because I don't want to limp away from this!" And then about the guy sitting next to him and how he was just going crazy because he "must have had something to 'live for'... I walked into that exam Wednesday morning and I just felt like saying the same thing. "Hit me with a hard one, I don't want to limp away." So, that's the story of my really weird mood. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) it's starting to dissipate. I can feel faint, feeble flutterings of panic in my belly when I think of all the things I have to do next week. Suffice it to say, there is a lot - so much so that I will be working the entire weekend just to prevent a nervous breakdown next week. I have an organic chemistry test, which you would think would be no big deal, but, it will be covering twenty lectures, and let's just say I've had some difficulty concentrating ever since fall break almost a month ago. (Really? I had no idea...says Callie) However, the next weekend is looking very good. All I have to do the week after that is a paper for philosphy, so that weekend will be spent in my preferred state of being: procrastinating, without feeling guilty. But you know what they say: procrastination is like masturbation - it's all well and good until you realize you just screwed yourself. Yes, dirty one-liners are a specialty of mine. They run in my family; I can't help myself. And now I think I'll go study some for that exam tomorrow that I really don't care about.